The Way I See It #288

Regarding the feel-good flash-essays written on the side of Starbucks cups: Normally, they are just nothing statements, advancing the niche brand of warm-fuzzies capitalism. But today, mine was so earnest, so naively paradoxical that I couldn’t help but call attention to it. Reading the cup, I felt like Alice marveling at another Wonderland absurdity and looking for somebody else to agree that it’s crazy ... but she only has the Cheshire cat, who does nothing to confirm her sanity. Ok, here it is:

The Way I See It #288

“My cousin in Tibet is an illiterate subsistence farmer. By accident of birth, I was raised in the West and have a Ph.D. The task of our generation is to cut through the illusion that we inhabit separate worlds. Only then will we find the heart to rise to the daunting but urgent challenges of global disparity.” – Losang Rabgey, Ph.D. National Geographic Emerging Explorer and co-founder of Machik, a nonprofit helping communities on the Tibetan plateau.

It would be monstrous to disagree with the sentiment behind the statement on the cup. How can anybody not want children to hold hands in a circle around the world? But does it not seem completely ridiculous, absurd, insane to be trying to end global disparity on the side of a $5 cup of Venti Caffee Mocha with skim milk and whip cream? Do the suits at Starbucks not realize that if we replaced global disparity with global equality, nobody would be able to afford luxury coffee? (Don’t believe me? it’s already happening, check out this NY Times article about the rising price of grain.) Or maybe they do realize that, but are banking on the assurance that nobody else will.

American rates of consumption are already ecologically unsustainable, and it would be disastrous if they were multiplied by the rest of the human population. So any economic increase in poor countries will eventually mean a decrease in American wealth. And as we’ve already seen, the first thing to go is frivolous spending. It’s pretty funny to think of Starbucks writing its own demise on the side of its cups in such a cute font. Again, I’m not writing this blog to make a political statement. But we rich Westerners should think about whether we really would sacrifice our expensive coffee (among other luxuries) so that the rest of the world can have an improved standard of living. I’d like to think I’m that good of a person, but I don’t know if I am. On the contrary, I’m the jerk who actively fears that somebody in my family will need me to give them an organ. Cause I really really do not want to go through my life with only one kidney. Nor would I want to sentence a family member to a lifetime of dialysis.

Another thing, this essay works on the assumption that somehow it is better to be a Western doctor than a Tibetan sustenance farmer. And, since you’re reading my blog, you should be painfully aware by now how fatally wrong that assumption could be.

PS. For what it’s worth, the bottom of the cup comes with this disclaimer: “This is the author’s opinion, not necessarily that of Starbucks.”

DIY Grad Student: Reuse old shotglasses

Has your undergraduate collection of shot glasses been rendered obsolete by long hours of studying and grad-school induced nerdiness? Has green tea replaced tequila as your drink of choice? Then DIY* Grad Student has what you need!

First I want to say congrats on the green habit. Way to get a few antioxidants with your caffeine! And unlike Red Bull, your liver won't explode on graduation day.

But where to stash those used tea bags until you want to brew a refill? It's not like people own matching china teacups with saucers anymore. "What ever shall I do with my tea bags, DIY Grad Student?" you ask.

Never fear loyal readers, DIY Grad Student has your answer! Use the shot glass! It's the perfect size to hold a tea bag, and the tacky, little Senor Frogs illustration will remind you of the good old days, you know spring break '97 in Cabo. It really works!

DIY Grad Student wants you! Tips? Testimonials? New DIY solutions? Send them in! And we just might print them. Or keep them secret and use them for ourselves.

*DIY is hipster slang for "do it yourself"

Thesis Progress: I reached a giant milestone yesterday, and I don't want to lose my momentum. But I'm feeling a little burned out.

View from the Ivory Tower: Caffeine as Art

My thesis, as seen through the "lens" of my cell-phone camera

PS. I'm starting a pic o' the day. Full explanation will be given in a couple days.

Thesis Progress: I hope to turn in Chapter 3 by tonight, so help me thesis-gods.

All-night update

It's 1 a.m. I'm sipping vanilla vodka & Diet Coke to both rev me up and calm me down. I'm also listening to RJD2 (a strong candidate for future Study Anthem status) to get me in a pounding yet chill rhythm. I don't know if this means I am on or off track. The fact that I'm writing this and not the other thing might (or might not*) be a bad sign.

*In my pre-blog era, whenever I got stuck writing I would look at pictures of my exes on MySpace. It was quite depressing. So sharing my feelings through blog, though not productive, can't be any worse than retroactive stalking.

The Intrepid Journey to an Exotic, New Starbucks

As I promised yesterday, here is the true account of my coffee shop adventure:

There’s a Starbucks on the campus drag that gives 180 degree views of the hippies, hipsters and tourists. I normally never go to this one cause there's no parking. But in the name of anonymity, I hopped on my beach cruiser and placed my laptop in the basket.

The day was glorious, the sky was [insert your weather pattern here], and the students were back from spring break, clogging up the campus. The Veterans Against Iraq were setting up a table, but had to compete for attention with both the annual photo display of aborted fetuses and a counter-protesting wall of Planned Parenthood-ers. Presenting a united front against 10-foot tall dead babies, they chanted something that sounded like, “wieners for choice!” and handed out free rainbow condoms. I’m not writing this blog to make a political stance, but free is free and I’m unemployed (errr full-time student). I was able to take two condoms and toss them in my basket without getting off my bike or even slowing down.

Soon the campus proper gave way to the campus drag, and green-clad students gave way to green-clad revelers doing a 1pm St. Paddy's bar crawl.

The ghosts of the hippie movement still haunt the drag, but exist nowhere else in town. It's as if they were to leave the street they’d evaporate into the fine mist of history. Seeing my approach two such ghosts dug a box out of their belongings and set it out just for my (OK their) benefit. Now, I’m not writing this blog to make a political commentary on begging (these particular drag rats could easily have been two freshman on a break between classes), but I was feeling generous. So without getting off my bike or even slowing down, I reached into my basket and tossed them a Planned Parenthood rainbow condom. If this was a movie, it would have landed in their begging box, but they yelled, “thanks” anyway. Come to think of it, they looked like two straight dudes, so they probably won’t be able to share. I was a jerk not to give both away.

Once at my destination, I watched the whole green-tinted tableau from inside the safety of glass. Among other wonders, I saw one leprechaun, several kilted men, girls dangling green boas, and a plain clothes cop in wearing a muted green dress suit. He bought a small coffee. Other than that, one Starbucks is identical to any other, so my adventure ended once I walked inside.

The International Incident

My Parisian roommate just caught me making instant coffee. (I'd been hiding the habit for months.) He told me that he can tolerate all of my faults, but not that. Instant coffee is an affront to the natural order of the universe. I don't disagree -- my grocery store-brand crystallized concoction smells inexplicably like roast beef -- but I really needed a quick jolt. He offered to teach me how to use our impressive, complicated espresso maker, but I don't have room in my head for new knowledge. So I just nodded as he lectured me on the simplicity of espresso machines and silently vowed to switch to Red Bull while at home. ("The Absinthe Drinker" by Picasso)

THESIS PROGRESS: 21.98 of 40 pages written*
*That's only for chapter 3, the full thesis is much longer.