ASK A GRAD STUDENT: Help, I hate my thesis

hey
I am totally depressed and the reason is my master thesis. I have reached a place where I need help and every time I go to my mentor she brushes me off and suggests I go to some proffessor in some other department to ask for help. Nobody wants to help me and I cant achieve any progress. I think of quitting but then I cosider the time and money I spent and how my family will be dissappointed at me till the end of time . Arghhhh it is making my life a hell
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Because you are a real person and not some fake letter I made up just to be funny, I will give you real advice. You have listed several problems, and as I proved in my previous blog entry, it is best to take little bites and chew very slowly.

First, it is important to understand that theses were invented for the express purpose of torturing people. It's the nerdy version of hazing. So, there is no way to solve thesis misery except by saying, "Thank you sir, may I have another."

Next we will address your desire to quit. Of all the problems this one is the most vital. It's normal to want to quit, and you must sit yourself down and think carefully about whether or not you really should. Depression is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong, and it may really be worth it to quit. Either way you must make a full and complete decision and stick to it. If you decide to quit, you are my hero and are free to quit reading at this point.

Assuming that since you are still reading you have made a firm decision to stay in the rat race, the problems you have with unhelpful professors will fall into place. At this point, it is a simple matter of jumping through hoops until they give you a diploma. Since you have made your decision to graduate at all costs, walking across campus to a different department should be quite easy.

Don't forget to communicate your thesis commitment to your professors. Perhaps they have been standoffish because they have sensed your past thesis-hatred. But as soon as they are sure you're in the game, they will be more likely to help you. Also, it's OK to be persistent. You know what they say: The annoying student gets the degree.

Even after you have followed my advice, graduating will still not be easy. But once you're done, you're done forever ... unless you choose to get a PhD.

Good Luck!
Miserable Grad Student

Let Me Count the Ways

I just realized that I have yet to follow through on the title of this blog. I have written around my thesis but I have not yet written about it. Don't worry, I will spare you the gory details (and avoid yet again compromising my anonymity). But it's only fair I share a few reasons why I hate the thing that I have (temporarily, I hope) devoted my life to. I am oh so tired (and still have to study more), so you only get one tonight. But more will follow ... sooner or later.

Reason I Hate My Thesis #1
I got to choose the topic (naturally), so the research is actually pretty interesting ... or it was two odd years ago when I first laid eyes on the beast. Now my brain registers "thesis" in the same category as these lyrics, "There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold..." That's with a cringe, if you had to ask. Yes, my thesis is like Led Zeppelin. It was so amazing the first 10 million times I heard it. And now, I can only sigh.

Thesis Progress: That's another cringe and a sigh. I'm royally in big big trouble. I do not know how I will produce magic between now and Friday.