Deadline Dilemma: Part I (the question)

I'm meeting my adviser in 1.5 hours to discuss my exit plan and to turn in a portion of my thesis. I haven't taken a shower in several days and I still have to put some (MAJOR) finishing touches on this paper. So do I use the next hour and a half to bathe or finish the paper? In other words, which is more offensive to a professor: an unfinished paper or BO?

ASK A GRAD STUDENT: Help, I hate my thesis adviser

Dear Miserable Grad Student,

I hate my thesis adviser. I really want to kill her with a bowie knife. I know that I should just wait till after I graduate, but that feels forever away. And my anger is distracting me from my studies. So maybe if I kill her now, I'll be able to work more efficiently. But then again, the department may look upon it unfavorably. And is a bowie knife the right tool? Should I use a bigger knife? Or nun chucks, maybe? PS. I LOVE your blog! Thanks for brightening my day.

Sincerely,
Blood Thirsty in Baton Rouge

Dear Blood Thirsty,
Thank you for you warm praise. From your letter, I can see that you are a very creative person so I am quite flattered.

Now, I know that academia can be as all-consuming as a black hole. But let me remind you that on the outside, murder is illegal. It is also mean. The "I Hate My Thesis" blog and all subsidiaries does not condone violence in any way.

That said, you need to find a healthy way to vent. I would advise starting a blog like mine, but I don't want any competition. Instead I advise making a voodoo doll in the likeness of your thesis adviser. You can sew little costumes to make it look exactly like her down to the smallest cross-stitch. And then you can rip that dolly to shreds with your bowie knife...

Or, you could grow up, stop procrastinating, get back to work, and finish your degree. You must remember that thesis advisers are people too. (And if you're lucky, you may become one some day.) Yours wants you to graduate just as much as you do. So give her a break, bring her some donuts, and go onward to the finish.

PANIC AT THE THESIS!

My thesis task for the week is to input my adviser's corrections. I have the first half. But where are the rest? The search begins...

3 am: Frantically tear through everything I own
3:30 am: Try to remember the Catholic saint of lost things.
3:31 am: Fail. Continue searching without the aide of a supernatural deity.
4 am: Give up for the night and refuse to set the alarm out of a sense of defeat.
Noon: Expand search to places the corrections can't possibly be.
12:15 pm: Verify that corrections are NOT in underwear drawer, sock drawer, car glove compartment, console, or trunk. Nor are they under bed (roommate lifted it for me).
2:30 pm: Am reduced to flipping through papers I've already searched. The corrections continue to not be in said papers.
Now: Heart attacking-inducing panic and dread combined with confusion as to next step.

Please send me your suggestions. I am desperate. Do I fess up? Do I do the corrections without his advice? Do I flee the country? Continue searching? Do I tell my professor that if the White House cannot help but lose their most important papers, how should I, a mere graduate student with no political office, be expected to do any better?

So where can I find my advisers blog?

The Professor as Open Book
By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM
The New York Times, March 20, 2008

IT is not necessary for a student studying multivariable calculus, medieval literature or Roman archaeology to know that the professor on the podium shoots pool, has donned a bunny costume or can’t get enough of Chaka Khan.

Yet professors of all ranks and disciplines are revealing such information on public, national platforms: blogs, Web pages, social networking sites, even campus television.

When scholars were recently given the chance to refute student criticism posted on the Web site RateMyProfessors.com, a cult-hit television series, “Professors Strike Back,” was born. The show, which has professors responding on camera to undergraduate gripes such as “boring beyond belief,” made its debut in October on mtvU, a 24-hour network broadcast to more than 7.5 million students on American college campuses. Read more, you lush>>

Thesis Progress: These song lyrics best describe the state of chapter 3: "She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes, yee-haw."

Yet Another All-Nighter

The spirit is (more or less) willing, but the body is weak. Last night, I wimped out. Five hours of sleep does not even count as sacrifice in today's 24-hour society. But tonight, I REFUSE TO SLEEP UNTIL I E-MAIL THE COMPLETED CHAPTER 3 TO MY THESIS ADVISOR!

The only kink in the plan is that I have to go to Traffic Safety School tomorrow at 7:30 am (Fie on you, photo radar!). Now, I'm prepared to go to the stupid class on no sleep (a gangky, unshowered look will probably help me fit in), but it does give me a solid 7:30 a.m. deadline. Will I make it? Heck if I know. Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of ... Chapter 3 thesis deadline!

PS. This painting is the perfect visual representation of how all-nighters feel. And I'm a horrible person because I forgot the artist, though I'm pretty sure it's Van Gogh. Anybody know?

Incognito!

I chose to write this blog anonymously because I didn't want my thesis adviser to read it and get mad. I also don't want any of the people who are in charge of keeping me on track (i.e. the few friends who don't try to tempt me with beer and good times) to know how off track I just may be. So I have taken the reasonable precautions of withholding my name and using a fake picture (kudos to anybody who can tell who the picture is of).

THESIS PROGRESS: 2.25 of 40 pages written*
*That's only for chapter 3, the full thesis is much longer.