Tuesday, April 22, 2008

TOP 10 Ways Grad Students Can Save the Planet


In honor of Earth Day, here are the top 10 ways that you, the lowly grad student, can save our planet:

1. Stop reading this blog and turn off your computer (electricity is bad for Mama Earth).

2. Without a word processor you will have to resort to low-tech ways to write your thesis: Gather leaves in the backyard and use them as paper (regular bleached paper is awful for the environment).

3. Prick your finger and use the small stream of blood as ink (Haven't seen a study on this one, but I imagine that ball point pens kill baby penguins).

4. Turn off the lights (As I mentioned in No. 1, electricity is EVIL)

5. If you cannot study in pitch black, do NOT study by candle light (wax is an endangered species)

6. Instead, make a small campfire from the required books you most hate. (Recycle: use library books.)

7. If you are a grad student in science: Invent cold fusion, practical solar panels, or a hybrid that actually looks cool.

8. Read this NY Times article about climate change by Michael Bollan and be inspired to plant a WWII-era victory garden.

9. Google "victory garden how-to." Scream at roommate for once again breaking the Internet, and then realize that Internet doesn't work because you turned off your computer.

10. Try flattery. It works with professors, maybe it works with the environment as well.
MEN: Hit on Mother Earth and call her a MILF.
WOMEN: Sleep with Al Gore

Ruined Landscape by Banksy

3 comments:

Valerie Loveland said...

I've been waiting for someone to give me permission to sleep with Al Gore!

Anonymous said...

I would totally bang al gore.

Miserable Grad Student said...

Everybody wants Al Gore's body, but nobody will hit on Mother Earth? She feels so sad and lonely. Look, it's starting to rain; I think she's crying.