By yesterday, all of my problems had built up until I was completely overwhelmed and depressed. This was not some sort of ha-ha mock depression made for blog audiences; this was true physical anguish. I could feel the unhappiness weighing down my extremities and curdling my stomach.
Maybe leaving the house would help:
At Starbucks, all I could do to keep myself together was lean my head against the wall. And eat a chocolate chunk cookie. The cookie helped, but only temporarily. By telling myself, "You're going to be miserable either way, so you might as well get some work done," I was able to make a little progress. This phrase became my mantra.
Maybe going home would help:
Then I went home for the hiding-under-the-covers form of therapy. I guess it worked; I fell asleep. But then I woke up.
Maybe exercise would help:
Feeling a little better, I opted for an exercise class (studies show that a good sweat is about as effective as antidepressants; don't quote me on this). But all I could force myself to do was follow along in little half-movements, and tears kept welling up in my eyes.
Maybe going home would help:
So I left halfway through. (The only other time I've left exercise early is when I had just been hit by a car and my ribs were hurting.) The wettest of my tears dribbled below my sunglasses and then evaporated in the wind as I biked home. Home was no better.
NOTE: Painting is yet again by Banksy. Who knew that a London street artist could understand the pain of a thesis writer so eloquently?
104 comments:
hey
I am totally depressed and the reason is my master thesis. I have reached a place where I need help and every time I go to my mentor she brushes me off and suggests I go to some proffessor in some other department to ask for help. Nobody wants to help me and I cant achieve any progress. I think of quitting but then I cosider the time and money I spent and how my family will be dissappointed at me till the end of time . Arghhhh it is making my life a hell
I answered your questions in a new blog post. Check it out and let me know if you have any other questions.
I am so depressed about the painfully slow progress of my thesis, that I was actually googling "thesis induced depression." I wrote 2 miserable pages today, and you could drive the proverbial semi through the holes in my argument. I've likened it to pouring frozen molasses from a jar. If I hadn't quit my job for a year to pursue the dream and go into debt, I'd say F-it!
I KNOW how you feel. My thesis has become the pimple on the face that is my life. I'm on the verge of quitting, and have in fact written some sort of testimonial about it, only I'm too chicken shit to publish it on my blog or show it to anyone else. I've heard all excuses for not quitting - because you're so near the end, because an MA will be fantastic on your resume, because you've paid a ton for it already, "because if you quit, then I'll quit!" because your parents will kick your ass all the way to kingdom come. Oh God. I'm in my own Catch 22 hell.
well, actually my thesis is killing me too. i have one month to finnish it and i only have half of the thesis done. im working so i get home and im so tired. im depressed, and guess what, my thesis is about depression. but i guess i must finnish it, or i will blame myself for the rest of my life.
Anya
After reading everyone's comments, I have to confess that I too am depressed. And what is the cause? My thesis. I found this blog after googling "thesis and depression" because I've finally come to a point where I just need to freakin talk about it. I also quit my dream job about a year ago to finish my thesis and since then have been struggling to pay my bills. I just had my thesis formally approved by my committee, which should be exciting because now I can actually begin writing the darn thing, but I don't feel any better. Thinking about having to meet with my advisor and committee a hundred more times to get it edited is just making me want to cry...But I have to keep writing because after this much pain I'm going to get that freaking MA.
I couldn't agree more with how everyone feels. Some days I think that what I've written is quite good...and then a day later, I find out that someone else has written something very similar. The rub: their's sounds better! Most days, I write a bit, delets almost half of it, she da few tears, drink some more coffee, go on the treadmill, have a nap...I do this almost everyday. I am however lucky that I have the greatest advisor ever! For those of you who don't I can only imagine how you feel :-(
How fantastic that we can all commiserate together through this blog? Amazed to see that this blog is virtually top of the hit list on a Google search of Depression & Thesis.
Well, for all you folks out there struggling at the thesis write-up stage... try this one on:
I'm still struggling at the concept stage(!) - what exactly do I want to study and when I finally do settle on some variables, how am I going to measure/manipulate them? (It's an experimental thesis). I too have left a well-paid job (groan) and returning to school to read heavily academic papers is... amazingly difficult.
Keep the blues flowing.
Just finished an MA in Sociology and feel like I have no purpose in life. Depression very bad. Have applied to do Ph.D. but have no motivation. Expected a sense of relief and release as the bloody thing took over my life for the last few months (year) but no relief or release came. I suppose ya gotta cry it out of your system, drink some wine, sing some songs, take comfort in the arms of a lover and get on with life.
I hate to add even more doom and gloom, but I've finished my PhD thesis and I'm still depressed! I guess it's because for 5 years I motivated myself with the thought of how great it'll feel to be all done. Still waiting on that feeling. Maybe graduation day? I'm now trying to catch up on work that I put off while I finished my thesis so I'm as busy as ever, still being paid peanuts in my post-doc role and wondering why I didn't just leave school and join the workforce like my friends, who now earn three times as much as me and own their own homes. Maybe it's because my defence exam is coming up in a few weeks, perhaps life will be rosier after that!
I don't know why but I just have to leave a comment as well. I also found this blog after searching for thesis and depression. I am an excellent student but I feel inadequate and anxious when it comes to my thesis. Sometimes I wonder what I did all those months. I need to finish this month because my scholarship ends and I have no idea what to do afterwards. I always wanted to go for an PhD but right now this sounds like "I always wanted to keep on torturing me". If you land next on this site: good luck and you are not alone!
Hi everyone,
I have started my thesis on " Recruitment in economic slowdown " and I am totally stressed out. I have 2 more months to submit it but I haven't started writing. Pls could any of you help with such a topic? How long does it need to write such a thesis? Thanks a lot, wish you all best luck!
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Oh my god -
I cannot say how much this blog accords with how I feel. I also googled thesis + depression and got this... I have now been depressed for most of the year, and am becoming more so. I have despised my thesis all year - but have not quit because I have kept thinking - just 6 more months, just 4, just 2 etc. But it has stretched on and on unbearably. I feel alienated from my friends, my former life. I rarely go out, exercise, all the things that I used to do. I feel like I have retreated into some half life of indulgent worries about my own stupid academia. And speaking of academia - I am so disillusioned with it as well!!!! What does a masters even me!!?
The other thing is - I feel so indulgent of myself. Last night I watched a film about the Holocaust and thought - THEY were suffering! Those victims had reason to suffer- but me??! So then I just end up in a spiral of greater self loathing and recrimination.
Sigh.
Hi I am writing my doctoral thesis. I want to complete the thesis this year and gave up my full-time job a year ago to give myself time to focus on the writing. My supervisors are really helpful, but there is only so much they can do to help. For the past 6 months, I work 5 days per week and there are good days and bad days and lots in between. Most of the time I try not to be too hard on myself, but most days I feel what I've written and my line of argument are not really very interesting! When I started this thesis, I aimed for excellence, now I just want to get it done! The best advice I can give to other people working on a thesis is don't be too hard on yourself, you are neither as good or as bad as you think you are. There are days when nothing seems to make sense, I usually do chores around the house instead of just staring at the screen! Ona bad day, I think about what made me interested in writing the thesis in the first place. The one thing that is keeping me going is my curiosity. I am still really interested in my research even if no one else is!! I don't really think about life beyond the thesis at the moment, I have set some deadlines for myself and will try to stick to the writing schedule as far as possible. One thing I do before I have a meeting with my professors is emailing an agenda and some questions for the meeting. I send them my questions before the meeting so they can address my questions during the meeting. Don't under estimate your power as a student, if you feel you are not getting quality supervision, speak to the reearch dean so you can get some help.
Hello:
Well here goes I am doing an MA in Communication, and I was (am) writing a thesis on Critical Discourse Analysis (CDA) and frame analysis based on news coverage of the gaza conflict. I want to find bleh bleh...anyways, today might be the last day I will be doing my thesis, as my professor might just toss me aside.
I am not a bad writer, in fact I write better than most, but the thing is I guess there are certain things people are good at, and I am not good at academic writing.
I can write a debate piece or a very great historical account. But when it comes to theoroizing or orienting my thoughts ...etc, I cannot do it. Anyways, I am depressed mainly because I feel dumb, wasted my money, invested my time with fruitless results, and now wish nothing more than to keep working at my job that pays me less than what I deserve once I get my masters degree, and I really just wanted to study languages and politics. But was too weak to go to another university.
All said and done, is that we're depressed because we don't want to give up when we stubbornly made a choice, and when it comes down to quitting we cannot even force ourselves to do it. It doesn't make you dumb or any less of a scholar. But if you have a choice, I would take the choice that makes you feel the best. I think I may just consider comprhensive exams, realize my dream is not Ph.D. and that I should pursue that thing that matters most of me. Good luck everyone!
I am thankful for the honesty expressed in these comments. I am not sure I am suffering from depression, but I am in the completely miserable stage of finishing my thesis. It's spring break, and I have done nothing for three days except revise. The past year has been amazingly stressful with the weight of this paper hanging over me, and to make things crazier, I am pregnant! All my body wants is to rest, and all I give it is stress. I have irrational fears about how my stress level affects my baby, and my poor husband doesn't know what do to with my emotionally unstable self. I just got an e-mail with host of negative comments about my conclusion from my advisor (who is great!), and I burst into tears. Not sure how to cope, I actually googled, "I'm writing a thesis and I want to kill myself." I am in no way considering suicide, but I just wanted to tell someone, even the Google search engine, how I feel. Thanks for listening cyberspace.
it's amazing... I thought was the only one who started off ok..and gradually felt like they were sliding into this bottomless pit of despair. I have A LOT of support from my committee, so I know that it's not them. I am ALMOST finished writing the damned thing...I figure I will have the first complete draft done by Monday-a mere 5 days. I just know it will be followed by a torrent of revisions...much like the other drafts. Now, I don't KNOW if I will feel better when I have a draft written or not, but I sure hope so.
I began this thing with a whole crapload of enthusiasm, and slowly I started getting more paranoid, which just turned to depression. Now, I am in tears while I am writing this feckin' paper...and after I decide I can't write anymore for the day...and then when I go to bed. It's awful. (annnnd here come the tears....)
I have my defense scheduled--the format of my paper has even been accepted by the grad school. I honestly don't have that much further to go (the defense is April 19th). My director even complimented me how pleased she is with the progress I am making. I just cannot get over this utter feeling of hopelessness over the whole thing.
*sigh* I guess I better get back to writing. I want to see the end of this thing.
I would rather have red-hot pokers driven through my eyes than write another thesis. This is torture...and I signed up, voluntarily. Which makes me a masochist. This SUCKS.
While I am comforted to know that others are going through the same thing as me it also scares me. Does that mean that this isn't going to go away?
It doesn't help that in the past two months all my supervisor has said to me is "hello" in the corridor and that I am too scared to talk to him. I spend all day just staring at my computer screen wondering why the hell I ever did a PhD and not achieving anything. Then in the evenings I just get drunk and cry. I just don't know what to do any more.
I read all the comments above and I couldnt believe all the things people were saying that related to me so first of all, thanks for everyone who posted something. I'd say my Thesis is going alot better than I expected but I still find myself in self-induced depressed states. Its like if I'm not writing my thesis I force myself to be depressed...but somehow not on purpose!! I dont get it? It would be strange to say that my mind has a mind of its own and the more I know the more I know I dont know but those two phrases are totally synced with my behavior as of right now... I have another month on me to get the darn thing done, but I want it done now now now! I really can not bare feeling this way any longer. I start to question every little thing I ever do and I would talk to someone about it , but as so many above have stated I have voluntarily done this and put so much time in effort that if I didn't get it done.. well I think I'd feel a whole lot worse than I already do. All I can say is I'm trying to set a fixed schedule every day to type and NOT judge what im doing because otherwise I am too critical and don't get anything done at all.. Hopefully that will work...sigh..
Wow, this blog is great! I have been "writing" my PhD thesis supposedly since September 2009 and it is now May 2010 and I have only just finished the first chapter. I have to submit before sept of this year; so the fire is under my ass now to write and I am finally feeling ready to really get this thing done! I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in august of last year due to the stress of my PhD and I was put on prozac; this just turned me into a zombie for 4 months and I achieved nothing. I am now on low dose celexa and I am seeing a therapist once a week who has a PhD herself and that has been so helpful! My advisers have pretty much given up on me and so it is really helpful to have someone to talk to about this! I would totally recommend seeing a therapist to anyone who is having these types of problems. Good luck to anyone reading this; it seems like lots of us go through this and its horrible but im finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and i cannot wait to get there!
Anon
It's been a relief knowing that I am not alone... After a year of collecting my data I moved across the country to join my fiance and work fulltime (thinking I could write my thesis while working - was very wrong). I've come back to the university where I grew up to finish it. In the meantime I lost my supervisor as she left the department and have a new one, who is not an expert in the field and made me feel like crap today. But I am almost there, depressed or not I gotta keep writing...
Folks!!! Come on! Here's my story:
I am not really depressed... the thesis is wearing me down, especially that I am doing a historical study in a few months... I know it is not easy, but every time I feel the "writers' block" I try to go back to my earliest notes so I can remember what the hell was I thinking when I proposed this topic. It really helps, it is like looking at old pictures when you miss certain people. So how did I end up on this blog? Well, it helps to see what others are going through... I hope you guys get it done.
Hey there! It is of great comfort to know I am not alone! Each day I barely make any progress and my deadline is in 20 days (Master thesis)! Anyway I am not capable of doing anything else than sitting in front of the computer and TRY to follow. I know I am not stupid at all, actually I did rather well in the past, but now I completely lost interest in what I am doing and the experimental results are proving that my idea was not so good, but I am stuck to it... This is driving me completely crazy, at first I thought "your thesis is going to be the best" and now I just don't care, I don't care if it is the worst, I just want to finish the freaking thing.
The worst of all is that I know I am in an enviable position, so many people has REAL problems and in comparison I am very VERY lucky, but I cannot help feeling depressed. I even envy for a moment or two the guy that drives the bus, you know, simple life, but then I realize that is a very shitty job and that just makes me feel more stupid. I see my self confidence draining away without asking me first and I don't know how to make of all this. Of course I am not thinking in doing something bad to myself, but I just find myself drinking some 4/5 cans of beer each night just to wake up and feel worst than the day before.
Dammit!!!!!!!!!
How is it called when you feel sorry about feeling sorry for yourself? second order sorry-stupidness?
Well, this thing of writing about how lame I feel seems to help...
I'll do some exercise, now. That I like.
Well, after 20 days of madness I am about to finish. I lost some weight and I still think that my thesis sucks, but my supervisor seems to like it anyway. Lucky me! Let's see what happens with my life now. My advice: START THE EXPERIMENTAL PART OF THE THESIS AT LEAST 7 MONTHS IN ADVANCE! Of course that if you are reading this you are already under pressure :P
Wow! I have just found this blog and commiserate with everyone here. I am on my 3rd draft of my masters thesis and it was all going well until one of my 3 supervisors (who no longer is employed by my university or even lives in the same state anymore) had a total hissy fit and proceeded to abuse me uphill and down dale about not listening to him and how insulted he was etc etc. The problem is we have been here before; he has never liked my writing style and I have tried to incorporate some of his changes whilst trying to balance them with the suggestions of my other two supervisors (who have no problem with my writing). I'm just fed up and want it to be OVER.
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It's amazing to see how many more people there are that are depressed about their thesis! I haven't opened up at all about this with other grad students in the department nor does anyone else talk about thesis depression, but I think everyone knows it's there.
When I finished my undergrad I went to work for a year, and then the economy went to hell and I lost my job. So I figured, what the heck, might as well go back to school. I HATE it. I just want something completely different from life. I feel like I'm in the wrong profession altogether in addition to not wanting to write this thing.
Good to know I'm not alone here.. I chose to do postgrad because I graduated during a recession.. Nearing the finish now and having a lot of difficulty expressing my ideas. My arguments are holier than swiss cheese.. I have good advisers, but even so I can't absorb all the advice thats been given, it just overwhelms me. This thesis writing's really got me bummed out.. I always open my word document and have no idea what to write.. Always having to worry that any statement I make could be counter-argued.. or that it doesn't make sense.. or that the content doesn't flow.. ARGH... Thank god I'm bailing from academia once I'm done here.. I don't ever want to have to do writing again.. I just don't enjoy it at all..
My comrades!
I'm writing my theseis now. Have been working on this thing for months and months now... close to a year actually. Every day when other people go home I stay at the office (working full time too) to keep grinding away at it.
It's almost done now. Mostly formatting, finishing touches, etc. My adviser is happy with the work.
With any luck this should be the last all-nighter I have to pull. Maybe one more to finish up the final draft. The adviser is optimistic about prospects for publication, so for me that means this ordeal may end up being worth it.
I am not writing this to brag, but rather to try and encourage some of you. I have been to the same depths of despair and darkness as you, trust me. Writing a thesis is hard work. Really hard work. It's a test of your mental and even physical endurance and your will to persevere. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it now.
Anyways, back to formatting tables for me. Comrades, keep your chins up, the cigarettes handy and a steaming pot of coffee nearby! I'll see you on the other side.
"You're going to be miserable either way, so you might as well get some work done" is my new motto... this original post was my exact day today.
where are the new posts? i need to hear more! so glad we can all commiserate...
Found this blog when I googled "thesis and depression". Over the past year, I have been completely (for lack of a better word) demotivated. I have stopped working on my thesis and constantly have nightmares about being chased by my supervisor. I feel like my life cannot continue until I complete it, but I am so stuck, I can't function productively when it comes to my thesis. It doesn't help that I no longer have an interest in my field, and am uninterested in pursuing what I studied as a career.
But I still have to finish it so when people ask about it, I can reply without feeling like a loser. Which is what I feel like, ALL THE TIME, now.
My master's has been dragging on for 5 years: a few years of working more than full time, 10 moves, living on a boat with no power/internet, 2 long seasons of fieldwork, a new baby, a big rejection of my draft from one committee member that crushed me...after my superV had already approved...and here I am, hating it, and exhausted with baby waking up 10x/night but I must work during nap times instead of sleeping...It has lorded over my creative life for years now. I've told myself I can't do any other writing or get involved in any new projects of my own until it is done. I used to think I was smart and a promising student, now I can't get far enough away from a university and have no confidence in that realm. Why is it so hard?
Thanks for this. I know this blog is years old, but man I really needed to know that Im not the only one. This MA thesis is probably the hardest thing I've had to do so for in my short 25 yrs on thee planet. Im depressed, unmotivated, tired, my mind is foggy, I dont exercise and the stress has made me drop a large amount of weight. Yet everyone at my school seems fine, and happy and they have a plan and their plan is actually working. I have finished my classes required for my MA, but I have been writing my PROPOSAL, not actual thesis for a year... and I know its only going to get worst. My professor just wants me to finish, mt co workers are more encouraging then anyone at my school. And now my parents are concerned about my mental state. I'm depressed, not suicidal...I just want to finish.
I have spent the last year working and studying, both rather obsessively. The hoops and challenges are endless... and then the whole thesis idea does not seem so good afterall. I can stare at the blank screen each evening... thinking... I am tired, sick and tired, fed up... spent $$$$$, exhausted myself... and forever think.. I have a very decent job... why am I doing this? And at what sacrifice? I want to screem.... but instead I quietly wait for this "thesis-induced depression" to pass. If not for my pride, I would kiss it good-bye and wish it good riddence.
Hello fellow grad students! Don't give up on your thesis. I know it seems bad, but it can be done! I recently finished my thesis and feel the need to get share my story. For me, the actual writing of the thing was not too bad, actually rather enjoyable at times (Red Bull and/or Guinness helped, plus I am a major nerd). However, everything went downhill after I submitted my first rough draft. I submitted it 3 MONTHS before the deadline so I would have plenty of time to address any issues my adviser and editor had. The problem was that through a series of delays, I didn't get it back til barely a month before the final deadline. This is not to criticize my adviser and editor, they were both wonderful and very understanding, and most of the delay was due to illness or other outside factors beyond our control. Instead of my original plan to take my time and not get too stressed, I had to frantically scramble to make major changes to my thesis in the eleventh hour with the deadline bearing down on me like a charging grizzly. I have never been more stressed in my life, and hope I never feel that miserable again. I was afraid I was going to have to pay another semester's tuition just to hand in my thesis. I was so worried and depressed I basically stopped eating in the last few days before the deadline. It took everything I had plus loads of caffeine to force myself to finish in time. After all the hoops I had to jump through to get there, my actual thesis defense felt like a breath of fresh air! Then in a case of cosmic irony, I submitted my thesis for the university format check and was told it would take a week or two to get back to me, but it was done and emailed back to me THE NEXT DAY. But since I wasn't expecting it so soon, I didn't check my university email for a week and it got buried under all the spam and listserv junk. I finally called them and they told me they sent it to me already and I felt like a moron. To skew a famous quote: I will write no more forever. I hope :) This post isn't meant to brag, but to let you all know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Best of luck to anyone who is having trouble with their thesis, you can do it!
I thank God, after going through these comments am not alone.Am stuck,sick and keep on crying.My supervisor on ma neck...Just on proposal writing.I feel like giving up but afraid to disappoint my parents and friend
Although it doesn't change anything tangible, I do feel calmer knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way...
wow... i just read every comment, crying the entire time. so grateful to have found this page... to know i'm not alone. so my situation is really weird, and you might think i'm crazy... but I handed in my thesis today, and now I feel completely depressed over it. i did not expect this to happen. i've heard many times that when you hand in your thesis, you feel a deep sense of relief... but that's not how i feel right now. i feel like i have poured a year of my life into this project... and like my thesis isn't that great, its mediocre, my arguments aren't that strong, i wish i had added another appendix, etc. i had to meet the deadline today, and i wish i had more time to work on it. i feel stressed and overwhelmed... *sigh* and its true, just like a lot of people said, this is no crisis compared to other situations people have to face... this is some kind of self-induced, academic self-judging mania. why do we care so much about meeting "standards"? i'm just questioning if it was worth it, pouring my every effort into this project, for this entire year... for a result that is less than satisfying. shouldnt i be happy that it's submitted, and proud of myself? i just dont feel like that. wtf?
but i hope this post doesn't discourage anyone to finish their thesis... look... to all you people who are still working on it... JUST KEEP GOING!! just keep chunking away at it, every day, and you'll get there. no one writes a perfect thesis. and i heard that no one's ever satisfied with their thesis either... so we just have to get it done. i'm defending in a week... and then i can really put this behind me and move on with my life. looking forward to that...
just cant believe i even subjected myself to this kind of torture to begin with. fuck school... i cant wait til this is over. and no way am i doing a PhD...
I find it quite strange and amusing at the same time, that so many people googled the same keywords to get to this page.
I got to this page when I googled "thesis anxiety" and google suggested "thesis depression".
Thank you fellow grad student, for providing this haven to us tortured souls.
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So glad to have found this blog! Feel like someone finally understands what I'm going through. I have 8 days to hand in my introduction + lit. review but just realized my topic is complete and utter nonsense and that there's no way I can do this for 4 more months if I detest it this much already. So I have 8 days to find a new coach, topic and a way to conduct whatever bs experiment, otherwise I'll have to wait a whole year to do it in 2014!!
I can only imagine how much worse it's going to get. Academia is so flawed!!!
Anyway, thanks a ton for this blog, already feel much better after this little rant, will check back often! :)
I too found this page after Googling "Thesis + Depression".
I guess I'm on the same boat coupled with extreme anxiety.
It's really affecting my life and the way I see myself.
I've always considered myself to be as smart as anyone else, but now I constantly plagued with self-doubt thoughts like "I'm not smart enough".
As soon as I open a scientific paper at the slightest problem understanding a concept (whereas before I would just re-read) I just put the paper away.
Can't sleep, can't eat. Terrible. Good luck to everyone.
I'm sure we will ALL overcome this, but until then, life's pretty miserable.
it seems that regardless of field, masters or phd, the feelings are the same. i often wonder why this is. like other people, i too feel miserable in my program, and while like writing, i hate doing it here. i suppose it will be done soon, but this does not make me feel any better: i feel like i am totally different person, if i can get a job, it will probably be relatively low paying, and likely several more years until i can have a read career. sometimes i look around and wonder why i made such a stupid mistake. what incentive was there to get my phd? maybe one day i wont regret this decision i made, but i can appreciate that i am not alone in these feelings.
I wish I would have read this blog a few months ago. I have been in anguish for the past 6 months trying to get the first three chapters written. I finally completed it and am now preparing to defend my proposal. My chair made me feel like a POS so any excitement I had over this project is long gone.
True True! Agree every bit with this post....
I found this blog when I googled depressed by master thesis. I am really done with my thesis. I hate the literature review I have to make. Going by thousands of articles reading over and over to find what I need and its so boring. I liked my study, but I really hate my thesis. I wanted to do a second master, but because of the thesis I didn't. The problem is that the rest of students are way further then me and really making progess and are almost done, I'm like how it that even possible. I know when I'm done with my literature review, im still depressed, because I have to do my statistics part with SPSS. Besides all this, I have to make my thesis in the Summer, so when everybody is having fun, i'm stuck at home behind my computer. So conclusion: I wake up every day depressed, because I know I have to work on my thesis and little work is gonna be done, most time will be on googeling stupid shit like thesis depression. I can't smile anymore until it's done. I hate my thesis and I just want to get it done. When it is finished, well thats too far to think about that.
Have a look at other thesis to get an insight of what is required.. make sure the objectives are not to ambitious and set goals... we will never achieve perfection that is my main note..
Goodluck h5n..
Have been trying to write the introduction for my doctoral thesis for the past two weeks, I feel like throwing my laptop at something but reading some comments from fellow-depressed thesis writers is strangely soothing. I have everything in my head and know what I want to say, but every time I write something down it looks stupid and I wonder how I ever came up with it. Now I have a deadline tomorrow morning (in 12 hours) and I have about 3000 words to go. I love research and wouldn't want to do anything else but working on the same PhD project for too long is enough to drive anyone crazy. I just have to remind myself that I am essentially whining over something which is completely nothing in comparison with other problems some people have to deal with. I chose this and now I am going to spend the rest of tonight writing this damn introduction. Even if what I write is stupid, it's better than handing in an empty page. Most thesis-depression symptoms probably come from wanting to write something brilliant and then not living up to your expectations, but as students we are probably just expecting too much from ourselves. No one expects you to be Einstein yet, and that's okay. Good luck everyone.
I also get so much stress and depression from my master thesis these days.. I also do some exercise and I'm feeling better but not for long. Think I'm feeling better when I'm talking with friends who are in a similar situation like me. We often say, master thesis is terrible! good luck! :)
I'm just starting out on my thesis, and can hardly bring myself to do the literature study on it. It feels pointless and I am dead inside. At the age of 31, I haven't had any friends for 15 years, am a virgin and am currently sitting in my apartment (hey at least I moved out from my mom's place finally), alone at my kitchen table. I've wasted my entire life on running away from my depression and am doing it right now by typing this comment.
And the pain continues! I don't mind my subject. My thesis advisor is just a jerk and doesn't seem to care how much time I put into the project before he tells me I'm wrong or my ideas aren't valid, even though my topic is subjective. He just tells me I should go in another direction that required me to start over, so I do, and then the next time we meet he changes his mind completely. A couple times he's even suggested I do exactly what I had originally done, as if it were his idea! Can't wait for it to be done, but it might not be in time for me to graduate when I'm supposed to. The whole grad school experience has ruined my relationship with my boyfriend and my family because they don't understand why I'm so stressed out all the time and hate my life. The little bit of self-confidence I had before starting grad school is gone. I've lost weight from not being able to eat and trying to exercise the stress away. My hair is falling out and turning grey. My hormones are completely out of whack. The depression I had in high school has come back with a vengeance. I have anxiety attacks very regularly and my OCD, which I had more or less under control before, is now completely out of control. I feel guilty any time I'm not working on my thesis because for some reason I think that constantly working on it will make it go away faster. Not with this advisor it won't. Too bad I can't switch. I'm in hell. Is an MA in Media Studies really worth all of this? Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I just got a low-paying job where I can leave my work at work and have a weekend once in a while (what a foreign concept!) and focused on finding someone to marry and have kids with. People I went to high school who did this seem content at least and able to connect to other people. That's more than I can say for myself.
Oh, I feel your pain! I'm at the very beginning stages of my thesis-writing and I am already annoyed and a little panicky about my thesis topic...I should be writing but just can't seem to be able to make it work, other than producing random thoughts that somebody else has probably said already in a lot more sophisticated way! I actually don't care about whether it's good or not, would just like to at least write enough pages before the first deadline...I feel like I've picked the wrong topic...or am I just trying to make excuses...sigh. I hate deadlines. But thanks for this blog and an opportunity to vent a little, among fellow sufferers, thesis-writing is a lonely project and only others in the same situation can really understand what it is like.
Oh god... I feel better and worse! I just had to turn in the "first full draft" of my thesis. I turned it in and immediately wanted to go live in a broom closet for a week..or under my bed.. or something. I have "enough" pages but can't figure out how to conclude and I have some more weeks but I'm wondering when it will stop reading like a hacked-together POS and start reading like coherent thought..I went out with my friends Friday night after the deadline and all I could think about was how disappointed I am with the current state of things. I'm hoping it will be akin to theatre magic and, if i keep working, it will pull itself together. -- <3
Try having your thesis chair tell you to spend twenty pages on theories and twenty pages on stories and work on it and edit it and try to fit all of his expectations then to have him tell you indirectly two weeks before your presentation that you should write it completely differently.
I have been struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide for the past year or so, and I cannot think my thesis is not part of it.
It's an undergrad thesis to graduate from the Honors College, but frankly I don't care any more. I'm working on it and I'll still finish it and the paper and do the presentation because it's already scheduled, but frankly, if I'm alive I do not give a fuck anymore.
Good luck to everyone else on their theses!
I'm actually sitting at a starbucks right now contemplating how I got to the point of googling "thesis" and "hate". For me more than the thesis I would have to say the main demotivating factor is my shitty advisor who constantly talks down to me, acts like any ideas I have are irrelevant or unimportant..I have a month to complete this and I partly hate how desperate I am to separate myself from her..that's my prime motivation to keep wading through the thesis no matter how emotionally abused I feel. I'm a long way from home and I can't let one person affect the outcome of my entire life..I was glad to find others who've been doubting their ability to continue and finish this thing..It's been one of the hardest phases of my life.
Likewise I am a depressed undergrad thesis (honours) student. I have no idea if thesis is doing well or not because I am so unwell I am unable to think. How miserable everyone else sounds too.
What is it with this process? If everyone feels like this why is there no change?
Is it about bullying if so it is not allowed in the workplace and therefore not allowed in study place. But this is not my issue.
Is it about feelings of inadequacy? Probably lost of that. But that is not my issue.
I'd like to know more about why we all feel like this. And why universities are not addressing it? What flunky's they are. They could get someone to do a thesis on thesis depression, because it must be a real limiter of product and they must lose some good students who just walk away, if not suicide.
What a hopeless situation this is. No one happy. No one likes their thesis. No one believes in their thesis. Too little support from supervisors. No answers, hard to come out except in this secret fashion.
I had a thought that it was because there was no PLAY in int. Most life periods involve some PLAY. But not this. It is like a dried out prune.
Can PLAY be put in it? I certainly dont know how but I am now looking for it. I certainly cannot laugh about it, nor talk about it with anyone. It is like a black hole inside which sucks all the energy. anyway I am looking for some PLAY in my thesis. I might even just do the thesis I want to do because it is pretty or funny and not the deep and meaningful, academic hogwash, methodological dream dissert that the university system requires. Submit some PLAY for better or worse!
Best love to all you depressed freaks like me.
claire
Just like someone mentioned, I'm wondering how I've ended up googling "thesis" and "depression" together. I've got three months to complete my dissertation for PhD, and in some ways I'm very lucky, because my thesis advisor is very encouraging and thinks that I can make out of this process. But everyday all I want to do is curl up into a ball and not do anything. I don't know what the determinants are for being clinically depressed, but I'm pretty sure this is not a healthy approach. I am only able to go on and be "normal" by not thinking about the problem at all. Weekends I keep myself busy with various chores (my apt is so clean right now) and activities, but what I know to be the only solution is to work on this thesis. There seems to be no rational argument for not doing it... I hope I can make it..
I feel you!
I feel depressed every time I think of the fact that I need to finish writing my thesis. The problem is that I have made a bad decision and chosen a university irrelevant with my study. There is literally nobody that can help me in this whole damn place, because I have chosen the weirdest topic of all times. My mentor does not help, either. Cannot, actually. He has no idea on what I do. His other student left the school and I am freaking out. I am also in a foreign country and if I cannot graduate in the following months I cannot come back and finish it later. I just...don't find anything meaningful anymore. What is the point? I will write some 30 to 40 pages of stupidity, nobody will read it and it will get its place in numerous shelves of similar stupidity and waste of time. On the other hand, what is the alternative? Is working a full-time job, living like a zombie for the sake of a few bucks that will be barely enough to pay the rent, the bills and leave you some cents to buy some...chocolate? Isn't a full-time job even more meaningless than a thesis? Damn, what then?! I just want to live a simple life. Do I have to enslave myself in a full-time job or a meaningless activity of writing a thesis? Why can't we just live, why... Argh! Damn, getting back to thesis before my mind explodes. Good luck for everyone out there who just googles thesis and depression together and found this blog. You are not alone, buddy.
It is equally relieving and troubling to read so many people going through the same thing. I have just under three months to finish writing my MA and I have set myself a weekly target of 3000 words (I work two part time jobs). I'm already behind on my plan, just one week in. My supervisor has been expecting my 10,000 word chapter since late last year/early this year, I can't even remember, and I'm too embarrassed to email him and admit I'm struggling. I just look at my calendar and see another month ending and I can't believe it. On my days off from work I try to write but when I find myself staring at the screen unable to do anything I think better to be doing chores, reading relevant material, irrelevant material, anything to stop myself checking Facebook. I feel completely miserable and I've tried appealing to my partner who is doing a PhD but they just don't get how I can be so overwhelmed with fear, anxiety, misery. I've regularly had days where I've felt too anxious to leave the house and my hair has started turning grey (I'm pretty sure it's not genetic). I think I want to do a PhD but I can't see myself feeling any less awful than I do now. A horrible prospect.
Leaving my contribution to this blog. If I got here is because I'm suffering the same pain. I spend 16 hours a day in front of the computer, my breaks are, toilet, food, and stand up walk around the room thinking. I have trouble sleeping and my schedules are completely messed up, I notice my self starting to cry. This thesis is destroying my physical and mental health. I been eating shit, I been sleeping shit. Stress anxiety and nervous are my everyday feelings, this has been going for weeks. I'm in a really terrible position I just hope I wont have a mental breakdown and do something stupid.....
So glad to have found this blog. I have been going crazy for the past few months, can barely sleep, haven't exercised in ages and generally feel like I have a massive weight on my shoulders...CONSTANTLY. Totally agree with the person that questioned the alternatives, things look decidedly bleak - the more you learn, the less you know but the more bleak the old alternatives look!
I have somehow managed to write two chapters, although I have spent every single day in the library to the point I literally sat and cried into my book in front of everyone. I feel like I have lost contact with everyone I knew before because I haven't had time to see people - even though I text and email a lot. And so many people don't want to hear about things that I have developed a passion for.
I have no idea what I am writing for my third chapter and my supervisor has ignored most of my emails. I had one tutorial which made me go and smoke and cry all afternoon. I figure I am better off just not getting in contact because there seems to be little in the way of support when people are struggling.
I'm am so disillusioned with what I am writing about and if it is worthwhile and feel like I am at the point where everything I am writing is shit and I am not even making a point! It is like the pressure of the last year - and I work away - has just completely hurt my brain. I just cannot think clearly and end up reading things over and over again.
I badly need a break from everything but I can't because once I have worked away again for a week - I have two weeks to write my final chapter, edit everything and write the introduction and conclusion.
I feel so self indulgent but it is great to finally get this out. The people I have told before - although never in this much detail don't really understand and just say well get on and write it then, or freak out about how little time I have to do it.
I know people have problems that are a lot worse than this but that doesn't stop it being any less stressful, some days I want to curl up in a ball and disappear completely.
Good luck to everyone, and to anyone that finds this blog in the future... you are not alone!
Hi I see you wrote this years ago. I am currently having the same experience and I wondered if you might offer advice? Its making me so insanely depressed. I feel like it was all for nothing. I owe a ton if money and I am disabled. I wish I'd just win the lottery, lol.
I feel exactly the sane way! I hope you are doing better now as your post was many years ago. I'd love to hear any advice you might have on what I should do as I'm in the process of finishing up thesis and I am more depressed than I ever have been! I feel absolutely like a failure (! Totally insane, I know) and focusing is almost impossible. Any ideas to help ameliorate this depression would be very much appreciated!! Cheers, Sarah
I am so glad to find I'm not the only one who googled thesis and depression..
I am not pressed for time at all as I still have a little over a month to submit this thing. But thinking of it, that's a little over a month of the worst phase of my life ever. I have been eating crap, haven't been working out, have been consuming copious amounts of coffee and have been sick ever since I started 3 weeks ago. Luckily I can still sleep, but I'm sure I won't be able to soon. Unfortunately my supervisor and committee don't give a flying f*** about anything I do. I get zero support from any of them, and it feels really shitty. My supervisor has always looked at me as if I was dumb, and never talked science with me at all, as if I wasn't good enough.
The only thought that's keeping me going is that it'll all be over soon. Writing's my ticket to getting away from this..
I guess it feels better venting here. Hang in there everyone. We're all in the same boat, but it will be over soon..
Now back to writing..on a Friday night...
Cheers!
I opted for an exercise class (studies show that a good sweat is about as effective as antidepressants; UK Dissertation Writers
I officially quit my master's thesis last night. I was sitting in my usual spot at the cafe, contemplating my deadline, when I started to have a mini panic attack. As my heartbeat quickened and I felt myself getting warmer, I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I felt motivated to do ANYTHING.
"Why am I doing this to myself? How did I end up so unhappy?"
I've weighed my options.. and I'd rather bear this embarrassment than suffer another minute of thesis-driven anxiety. It's not worth it. I'm updating my resume and submitting to reality. I hope you sad souls accomplished what you wanted to achieve. Regardless, thank you for the words.
More than eight years passed, and people still stumble on this post. I was also roaming the internet for something like "ashamed of my dissertation" when I got here.
I have already sent the final draft to my advisor. After he reads it, I have ten days to change stuff. And I have never been so ashamed of something.
My dissertation is ridiculously small - about 35 pages of body text - and it amounts to nothing. Because I have done nothing, I really just spent four months hating myself and asking how I got to this.
I realised TWO YEARS AGO that I didn't like my degree - Mechanical Engineering. It's not that I don't like it, I really hate everything about it. I have no capacity to be an engineer, no interest, and I loath the thought of working on the area. But still I was stupid enough to just keep going. I guess you know where that got me. My dissertation is very, very bad, and I am ashamed to defend it. And the worst part is that I blame myself, because I didn't work, because I was negligent, because I am behaving as a spoiled kid for not wanting to get a good job in engineering.
I am depressed alright, and I can't really say it's my dissertation's fault, since I was alerady depressed before, but it ain't helping one bit. It just made me doubt even more my capacities, now besides knowing that I am not fit to be an engineer, I also know that I am irresponsible, incapable of getting work done, and lazy beyond the reasonable limits. Now I am certain I will never get a good job in anything I like, and that I will always be an average or bad worker in anything I end up doing.
I just hope this ends in about a month - I know I won't quit, I will stay to see my downfall (on a very dramatic and yet true perspective), and afterwards I will study to try and finish my degree in Sptember (I still haven't done a subject), so I have a whole summer to hate myself, and if I am really lucky I will get a Master in Mechanical Engineering. Hoorayyyy!
Well isn't this nice. People in the same miserable situation! I have another year to go of my two years Master in Science. It started off with a colleague of mine with a PhD saying I'm wasting my potential as a research assistant. Fast forward two years and that same colleague is one of my supervisors and driving me bat shit crazy! Not only is he inappropriate with me sometimes as I am a young attractive woman and he is a fat clown, but he changes his mind about my project on a dime confusing me endlessly! I was supposed to be done my first chapter by now, but I haven't really started. I have been conducting the field study as it is ecology based and that's a lot of fun! But the hypothesis that HE came up with are shit. I know them to be false because I was actually on site and seeing that his ideas are false in real time! When I tell him my thoughts he completely shuts them down. I'm ready to throw in the towel, but won't because my parents have been helping so much I don't want it to be in vain. It's going to be one long miserable year but when it's all said and done I relish in the idea of telling the fat bastard off and skipping away never to be in contact with him again!! (Laughs like a mad scientist muhahaha)
Wow, here I was thinking I was alone. Seeing all the comments on this blog make me feel a little better, I thought I was losing my mind. This thesis is taking over my life, and I honestly cannot wait for it to be over and done with. I feel like I am advancing so slowly and know that I still have so much work ahead of me with deadlines fast approaching. You guys, I feeeeeel your pain. Every day I ask myself why I am doing this? I feel like quitting packing up my life, moving to Hawaii and opening up a B&B. This academia life is hard yo, it's also a very lonely path because nobody understands your thesis. Heck, I don't even understand it most of the time. I really needed to rant, and I am glad to see I'm not the only one. I worked too hard and sacrificed too much to not get this graduate diploma, but it's so hard to keep pushing. So if this can motivate anyone else, in the words of Shia Leboeuf, JUST DO IT! Good luck y'all, sending positive vibes to anyone who's struggled with this, cried over it or has been constantly stressed out like I have. Believe in YOU! You can do it!
I knew I was not alone. But majorities of my classmates finished theirs and got graduated which left me here struggling every night after work and every weekend when I'm not working. It might be more miserable to work for a hectic job and try to write a thesis, along with 3 pointless reports I guess.
My problem is, every time when I tried to start, I need to think how to start, search in my brain, no answer and then my attention went somewhere else and it's always at least half an hour later, like right now. Why is it so hard? I feel like to trade any other work to have my thesis accomplished.
Well, ending with positive energy, let's fight together against our thesis monsters. Given some time, we know that we are gonna conquer it and arrive at the golden pool of freedom that is filled by melted laptops and papers liquids
Oh my,
I am literally a week out from submitting my second draft to secondary committee members and I hate everything about my thesis. After three thesis ideas fell through, I was left with one I thought was ok. Three years later and I hate it so much. Its a subject I would never pick for myself, with a chair I didn't want (everyone I wanted was too busy), and a now 100+ thing I never want to look at again. I struggle every single time I look at it. I just keep reminding myself that I paid, am paying, and will continue to pay for it. I try and keep my eye on the prize. A better job, and a better life for my family. If I could give any advise to those starting off it would be to do you. Write the thing at your own pace but remember why you are writing it in the first place. I don't feel that I wrote this thesis for me. This should be my greatest achievement and instead it has been my greatest challenge.
Oh wow. I can't believe this shit. Everyone is in the same boat. I am a terrible writer and I am too so stressed out about this thesis. Some nights my cat will wake me up and I won't be able to go back to sleep because I start to think about my literature review. I honestly think that's what is kicking my ass right now. It's terrifying. I have an outline and I know what I have to do, but it's the ultimate puzzle. I am good at puzzles though. Some days I wish I was a drug dealer so I didn't have to do this anymore. I did really well this term and I think that is the only reason I am hanging in there. All I think about is fission and short lived fission products and some f****** computer code that I don't understand. I am going crazy but I won't give up because I have way too many friends and family routing for me. I hope you all stay in your programs and don't give up because a lot of people around you want you to give up even if they say that they don't. If graduate school was easy then everyone would have their masters. Just remember that this is just a huge book report and you are summarizing other people's work and showing how you can do the same kind of stuff. My advisor has a lot of faith in me so I really think that helps a lot. Also I gave up drinking and I feel like that focused me up a little more. Don't smoke weed either because that will make you procrastinate even more. Just get it done and never look back!
my thesis is not helping my career, it's rotten (my thesis, my career, my image in the institution), every single word or symbol i write has some detail my advisor doesn't approve, not even the works i cite are adequate for him, he tells me what to read instead, i prepare my presentations only to be totally modified by him, like telling me what to do, what to say, always trying to force his ideas into my mind (not clear ideas), it's his thesis more than mine at this point, i locate datasets to download data, which is perfect for my thesis but he insists me on creating my own data in a very unrealistic way that somehow i must figure out, somebody needs a programmer at low salary, i accept anything?
I just met with my supervisor today and she basically told me everything I've done for the past month is wrong and I have to start over. She is so hard to reach. She doesn't answer emails, and it is so difficult to even schedule a short meeting with her. Today, she refused to listen to me and shot down all my ideas. I feel so depressed and anxious. I have to submit the thesis in 2 months.I've only finished 1 chapter, which has not even been approved by my supervisor. The affiliated organization for my research wants me to submit a poster in 3 days and to present my research in 1 month's time. I feel do overwhelmed and unprepared. On top of that, I have another assignment to submit in 1 month's time which I have not started on at all. I have no social life and have cancelled so many appointments with friends. Zero motivation. Sigh.
I have over 100 pages of notes, only 1 page written, and a literature review deadline of 10 days from now. I'm screwed. But this blog has helped me get my sense of humour back. thank you!
Checking in here with less than 2 weeks to my thesis submission deadline. In the past month, I managed to write the first draft of my thesis in about three weeks, which was truly a miracle. Submitted the first draft to my supervisor and she just got back to me. It seems like everything is wrong. I feel so stressed. I don't know how I'm going to make all these changes in the next two weeks. When will I see the light at the end of the tunnel? I feel like giving up.
I'm in the process of completing my M.Phil - have submitted my thesis, and just got the reports from my internal and external evaluators. It seems they want me to entirely re-write my literature review and analysis - the internal examiner even wants me to change my research questions around. I feel like I don't have it in me to go on anymore, all I want to do is lay down and give up.
I have been writing my master thesis for almost 3 months and I absolutely hate it. I chose the subject last year, I had to decide very quickly and I chose the most boring and pointless subject ever. It seemed like a good idea back then, but now when I have to execute the idea and when I started to write it, it just feels so pointless and stupid. I feel so stupid and so incompetent of writing a good thesis. I have submitted the first half of my work last month and I am still recovering from the critique I got from my mentor. And he even tried to sound nice and really tried to not make me feel bad, but it didn't work. After seeing everything that I did wrong, I cried for two days. It took me a week to start reworking things I did wrong. I am a very sensitive person with a lot of anxiety, and I find it so hard to take constructive criticism about my work, and it makes me feel like a big baby. At the moment, I have almost finished writing the damn thing, but I am waiting to get a feedback from my mentor about what I wrote so far, and I KNOW it still sucks and he will hate it. And then I will have to go back once again and try to fix it. It just seems like I will never finish. I am lazy, depressed, demotivated and dead inside. I absolutely hate everything about my thesis. I don't even want to start to think about the defending of my thesis, because I hate it so much, I know I am going to perform poorly, won't be able to answer any questions and make a fool of myself in front of my mentor and the committee. I just want all of this to end and crawl into a hole.
oh my god! what a great relief to find this page. as many of you, i also googled thesis depression and here i am. i went down the hill because of this stupid thesis. tok depression pills for about 2 years. im off pills and therapy because i was feeling good and better. i could finally finish my thesis. but i must say i am not even a phd or master but just a bachelor degree! im a super delayed student and i really just have to graduate. after struggling for about 2,5 years, i finally could hand it in. it was last january. my thesis was not approved and got it back with way too many feedbacks. they simply want me to write almost everything again. i dont even understand some things, i have no idea what to do. thesis improvement coach already told me that it is hard to finish it in 3 weeks. well, thank you lady! not really motivating. you must all know that feeling. you have to sit down and write but you do everything to not to write a word. days and hours passed by... here i am! i have 10 days left until my deadline and i have only 1 chapter ready and I am not even sure it is good or not. I dont trust myself at all so i would say it is just bullshit. because im such an idiot! i simply want to vanish! leave everything. run away! you cant imagine how unhappy and ashamed i am. i dont want to meet anyone because everyone yes everyone asks me about my graduation problem. im so ashamed. im also so ashamed of what i became, a liar. i keep saying that it goes good, i have to change a few things bla bla bla. all bunch of lies! i want to quit but im too ashamed to quit as well. plus if i quit, i have to pay all the study finance i have received. fuck-up situation. i just better sit down and write! but how! i dont understand anything and i dont how to do! tell me please, how could you get over this depression!
Ok so was soooo depressed a week ago. I experienced many of the physical and emotional symptoms described in all of the posts above. I am 34 year old man and I hadn't cried in over 15 years until the breakdown of all breakdowns last week.
BUT....
It's all come together in the past few days. For some reason I found a rhythm and everything started to fall into place. I wish I could explain it but I can't.... well actually I can but its just a guess: persistence. Hang in there. Stay organized. Remember your initial motivation to enter the program. Sleep as much as you can. Don't pass on small progress - it adds up eventually.
And remember... Being on top of the mountain feels amazing because of the steep climb that you must endure to get there!
Now get the F off this blog and go handle business.
I've been working on my thesis for 2 years already.
I have a job aside from this and I can't seem to find the rhythm.
Been having a hard time seeing colleagues graduating on time.
They seem to be doing so well, while I always hit a dead end.
I wonder how you all are doing! I need some motivation, I need to hear that you guys finished and it feels great. I have no motivation and I only stare at my screen.
Me too my master dissertation is driving me crazy. I Don't have the time to sit and do it. have a husband and two kids to take care of also English is not my native language. Recently I went through depression and I had to take intermission period till January. I stared working on my literature review but unfortunately I can't progress anything. My depression is back and I cry everyday wishing this is just a nightmare and not real.
I just found this post, from also googling "can writing a thesis cause depression?" I had a horrible advisor, she dropped me after a year and a half without ever trying to hear me out, and she knew my whole story and was the one who encouraged me going into grad school and volunteering to be my advisor, but now I have a great advisor, she has been so patient with me and reluctantly approved my two extensions, but now I am out of extensions and have like two weeks to get the first full final draft in, and I am just melting down over here. I love my advisor, I love my topic, and I know there is a ton of stuff to be said about my subject...but I can't get myself to write. I just find myself on a daily basis cleaning this stupid apartment, running errands, cooking, cleaning some more, watching youtube, googling random stuff...anything but writing the rest of what I want and have to say on my thesis subject. Sometimes I just sit and cry and feel so lonely that all of my chort has graduated ahead of me and are out doing wildly fun things with jobs and money, and I'm still broke as ever, sitting alone on saturday nights crying my eyes out and wishing I could just make myself write something. I am worried about myself getting depressed over a stupid paper, but the looming stress of having to have it done in a timely manner so I don't have to find a new comittee and go before the dean and try and grovel and beg for anything more is just too much. I want to write, and I've been through the exercising phase, the perpetually caffinated phase, the weekends off to have a little fun but not too much fun so I can balance out writing during the week phase, all of them. Now I think I am in the misery and isolation phase, but it feels like it will be a lot harder to pull out of than th others. I don't know what to do. My parents see my education as a burden, I know my mom says stuff to me that tell me she wishes I would drop out and give up right here nearing the end because it will pay back how I showed up and she chose to drop out of college. So my parents would be deeply relieved to se me give up, drop out, and walk away from it all. My partner seems to be supportive, but I can tell the patience will soon wear thin if I can't go back to working soon because my constant spending is not looking all that attractive, even if I did work to earn it all knowing I would spend it during this time in my life to support myself. I had to move back in to my moms to keep the food on the table, but its still so hard to focus with her rules and anti-motivational efforts to derail me from my mission. I sometimes wish I could take my stack of papers and my laptop and just run away to some secluded picturesque place to go live for awhile until I can finish this thesis. Alas.
Thank you to whoever made this post, the rest of us lost souls have found a place to fit in thanks to you. I hope that everyone who posts on here will have the strength to finish their thesis, knowing they are not alone.
I'm about a week away from submitting an honours thesis. Though I'm basically at the end, it seems the closer I get the less motivated I feel to do the final edits/finishing touches. I feel stuck in a limbo and like the last couple months of writing has actually been several years in isolation. My supervisors are alright, but they operate under the assumption that I'm aiming for a high grade when all I want is a pass so that this seemingly never-ending nightmare is over! I realised several months ago that the reasons I initially did honours were because I wanted the achievement and therefore the approval of others, but this will not lead to me to happiness. I have this feeling like finishing my thesis is me delivering on a promise I made when I was a different person. Every supervision meeting feels like I'm putting on a mask to hide the lack of fucks I give about it anymore.
I can't believe how many other people feel like this. This whole time I've been feeling really alone in feeling this way because all the other students in my honours cohort seem fine. It's crazy how much reading other people's experiences, and now sharing my own, has made me feel lighter. I really needed some confirmation that it's not just me.
I'm sending out my love to all the peeps who've done through the post-grad depression. Everything ends eventually, and you will get through it too. And if you don't want to finish, fuck it. Unless your career depends on it, what are you doing it for anyway? Do what makes you happy and disregard the rest.
Namaste xx
hey
i don't know from where to start but now i feel like quitting and committing suicide. My supervisor is an asshole. He kept rejecting my topic and never approved any of them and never suggested me a new topic. I have suffered a lot and i feel like dying. Can someone really help me, as i am losing my patience and can die anytime. I have started smoking and nobody is helping me out. My friends are all ahead me and i am here stuck because of my supervisor. Please can someone help me out really. I need mental guidance.
To the previous commenter,
It sounds like this ordeal has taken you to a really dark place, and I'm so sorry to hear this. What do you think is causing you to feel this way? Is it purely your supervisor, or the thesis in general? Is there anything that you can feasibly do to change your circumstances?
Also, where can you seek support? Are there any student services on your campus, or counsellors you can reach out to? Family? Even if nothing changes with your thesis, it sounds like you need to talk to someone about what you're going through.
Have you ever felt this way before in your life? If not, you can remind yourself that life could once again be the way it was. It sounds like something definitely needs to change. Your mental health and wellbeing are far more important than any thesis you produce.
Much love xx please look after yourself
I'm almost there...just my final discussion chapter left (probably only 15-20 pages!), but I can't do it. I hate myself. Why can't I do this? Why am I such an embarrassing baby? I hate myself. It doesn't help at all that I can't seem to successfully figure out a time that all my committee members can meet for my defense -- so why bother writing? Hopeless. I wish us all the best, and I hope that those who have written posts on here many years ago have found peace. My only advice is to lean on those in your life who love you and can help take care of you during this difficult time. It's hard to ask for help, but sometimes there's no other choice.
At first, I accept I'm not perfect and I'm far away from it, like any human but I'm feeling depressed right now and I'm thinking to quit, even If I've not a pay and a contract. I'm searching about the topic and well, to see these comments makes me feel a little better, I'm not the only one. I live working all the time and I can't do anything else, even study or eat without some of the work, this is too far of what I thought a master degree needs of effort and my other partners are not in the same situation. My boss never is happy and she decided to uses my results to make an under degree student to expose it in an event, I'm in the document but it is not right, the student had not work in the practical part and I can't do anything about it 'cause she is not an open person, a time ago I corroborated it, when I told her that she said me something different about a result before and she reacted badly, I was totally afraid and I accepted all the fault. Apart of it, some time ago I get sick and I had some days off, I couldn't rest and the next day I get home from the hospital, she was asking in the morning about the results of an assay. That's not fair, I can't hold it, I can't see myself ending this project and god, the feeling of failure is killing me 'cause I'm in the moment of take the decision and socialize it with my boss and university while I'm looking for something else and I can't stop thinking about if I'm overreacting or not, what can i do? what will I do?, even I asked different doctors their opinion 'cause they have their own research groups and experience. Plus to my situation, I'm getting sick physically and mentally. I guess I need to stop and it wouldn't matter if I started again in another place.
I must say, I thought this was a pretty interesting read when it comes to this topic. Liked the material. . . . .
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I'm in the same position. Extremely depressed and suicidal. Never felt like this. I have 1 month left to submit everything. I wrote 50 pages and It took me 1 year. I have to write 50 pages more in a month. I have zero motivation. Anxiety is killing me.
Hi, I am wondering whether the desperate people from 10 years ago could share their advice on life - what they ended up doing and such.
Anyways, I was supposed to hand in my final version this week, but my supervisor told me it was so shit I would have to rewrite over the next month. Also, I was offered a traineeship, but one of the conditions is to graduate before August. So hey, here I am reading these stories on a blog about thesis-depression when I should be trying to finish the darn thing.
I wish you all the best and hopefully I will not feel the need to return to this page - ever.
Bye
Hello all,
I am one of the above people who complained about her thesis situation. I tried to find which one is the one wrote but i really couldn't find because it all looks like i wrote and it is all talking about the same stress, same anxiety. after such a long struggling, i finally could finish my thesis and graduate back in 2017.i cried a looot when i heard the good news. it was such a big happiness! i still sometimes regret for those years. why i couldn't write it, why i couldn't study? writing a thesis was like a big fear and an unknown thing for me. I ended up getting help from an agency who helps students to write their thesis. it was very helpful. i honestly, truly could ask anything I didn't know. i strongly advice everyone to ask for help. writing a thesis is such a depressing period, all alone and you definitely need some people around you to help and guide you. unfortunately, not all of us are lucky to have great supervisors from our schools. i have now landed on a job which is ironically at a university. everyone around me are either professors or phd students. im glad i finished my study and holding my degree. please don't give up. just try to finish it. little by little, step by step. and remember; seriously guys no one is gonna read your thesis other than the ones who are grading it :))) not even one person asked me about it. well, only my husband who was curious to see what took me so long to write that papers :)
good luck to everyone! you can do it! please do it!
Honestly, this whole MA thesis thing sucks. I should have known better from the horrific experience that was my bachelor thesis.
I read all day, every day. It's an endless struggle against time itself. And the reading is never done. It feels like I am in a period of stagnation that I selected for myself. I could be enjoying my master studies, I passed all the subjects of the first semester.
But still I can't enjoy any of it. The stress keeps rising every day. It's like all I can be in this moment of my life is tired. I just want to be done with this. I am so not cut out to write a thesis, and I know it. Why do I subject myself to something that I don't even know will bring me happiness?
Perfectionism is taking over, and I don't even know if I want to fight it anymore.
I guess I’m not alone, even though I’m stressing out because of my undergrad thesis. I submitted my work two days ago and I feel shit. I didn’t even have time to proofread and there’re so much flaws in my thesis. I honestly wanna kill myself because my professor helped me so much but I kinda disappointed her and disappointed myself. I don’t bare to open my work and I feel sick in my stomach. I feel sick of myself as a person and I honestly wanna kill myself. (Just literally)
I guess I’m not alone, even though I’m stressing out because of my undergrad thesis. I submitted my work two days ago and I feel shit. I didn’t even have time to proofread and there’re so much flaws in my thesis. I honestly wanna kill myself because my professor helped me so much but I kinda disappointed her and disappointed myself. I don’t bare to open my work and I feel sick in my stomach. I feel sick of myself as a person and I honestly wanna kill myself. (Just literally)
I guess I’m not alone, even though I’m stressing out because of my undergrad thesis. I submitted my work two days ago and I feel shit. I didn’t even have time to proofread and there’re so much flaws in my thesis. I honestly wanna kill myself because my professor helped me so much but I kinda disappointed her and disappointed myself. I don’t bare to open my work and I feel sick in my stomach. I feel sick of myself as a person and I honestly wanna kill myself. (Just literally)
I guess I’m not alone, even though I’m stressing out because of my undergrad thesis. I submitted my work two days ago and I feel shit. I didn’t even have time to proofread and there’re so much flaws in my thesis. I honestly wanna kill myself because my professor helped me so much but I kinda disappointed her and disappointed myself. I don’t bare to open my work and I feel sick in my stomach. I feel sick of myself as a person and I honestly wanna kill myself. (Just literally)
I guess I say too many I wanna kill my self lol.
I am stuck very badly. Supervisors should guide & help properly and they should not mentally torture their students.
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